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10 Secrets Men Keep from Women

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10 Secrets Men Keep from Women

Find out what your husband's thinking, but would never tell you.


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Ever feel like your opinionated hubby's holding something back? Men are not naturally gifted at expressing themselves like women so they might keep quiet about sensitive subjects but those secrets may cause marriage issues. "If it's safe for him to speak honestly that may improve his experience in the relationship" says clinical psychologist Andra Brosh, PhD. Here is what your husband might be hiding and how best to handle it.

1. "I NEED YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A BIG, STRONG MAN."

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Your husband might feel insecure if his masculine qualities like physical strength never impress you. "This is not the '50s anymore but there are still some genetically determined pieces of men's self-worth" says marriage therapist Mike Dow PsyD. Because he will feel even less like a tough guy divulging this need for extra attention he will stay mum. So compliment his brawn even if it's just for popping the lid off the jam jar. Also give him a chance to assemble that dresser before offering your expertise. Dr. Dow said if you take charge instead of letting him take care of it he will feel emasculated.

2. MUM'S THE WORD

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Ever feel like your opinionated hubby's holding something back? Men are not naturally gifted at expressing themselves like women so they might keep quiet about sensitive subjects but those secrets can cause marriage issues. "If it's safe for him to speak honestly that may improve his experience in the relationship" says clinical psychologist Andra Brosh, PhD. Here is what your husband might be hiding and how best to handle it.

3. "YES, I WAS CHECKING OUT THAT WOMAN."

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The male brain is hardwired to notice pretty young things because they are likely to be fertile and capable of producing healthy children says Dr, Dow. Actually your hubby's head might turn before his brain realizes call him out for ogling or flirting but let him off the hook for the occasional quick glance. "His brain is closer to an animal's than yours" explains Dr. Dow. "As long as you are the person he dotes on sleeps with and adores that 25 year old has nothing on you."

4. "IT'S NOT THAT YOU LOOK FAT IN THAT DRESS. THEY JUST ALL LOOK THE SAME TO ME."

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Distant sights might register easily for him "his hunter brain needed to target animals far away to bring home dinner a few thousand years back" says Dr. Dow but he is not attuned to finer up close details. To him the blue dress looks just like the red one you tried on if he stumbles through a response about your outfit when you ask what he thinks don't read into it. "If he married you it's because he thinks you are beautiful" says Dr. Dow. "He wants you to wear whatever dress you like best."

5. "MAKING LOVE IS GREAT, BUT LET'S JUST HAVE SEX ON OCCASION."

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When it comes to doing the deed men are microwaves and women are slow cookers says Dr. Dow. "Your female brain is swimming in oxytocin that gives you a peaceful high throughout the day but men's testosterone depresses oxytocin production but he gets a big oxytocin dose right after an orgasm" says Dr. Dow. While he enjoys the romance of making love sometimes he would prefer to get to the big O faster it's tough for him to delicately explain this, so if he is actually eager to please you, return the favor every now and then with a mind blowing quickie.

6. "I HAVE PARTICULAR SEXUAL FANTASIES."

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Whether it's innocent or risqué he maybe won't make these most private wishes known but not because he wants to keep them to himself. "Many men have a difficult time communicating what they prefer in bed" says Charles J. Orlando author of the problem with Women... is Men. "He may want it but doesn't know how to ask or let you know." Help him by sharing one of your fantasies Orlando suggests. "Nothing like showing your vulnerability to encourage him to do the same."

7. "SOMETIMES I'D RATHER YOU BE QUIET."

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Although you are capable of listening to him while you are relaxing he can't multitask as well. "The male brain is more linear moving from task to task" says Dr. Dow. Plus "communicating at work all day exhausts his brain more than yours." But admitting he needs alone time as you spill your office problem doesn't seem supportive so he doesn't bring it up try giving him some space when he comes home once he's had the chance to unwind "conversation will come more easily for him" says Dr. Dow it will be more enjoyable for you as well.

8. "I LIE TO KEEP THE PEACE."

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If he doesn't know what'll set you off he might fib to avoid a potential confrontation. "If we get that this secrecy is about fear we can be more compassionate and help our mate with his anxieties" says couples therapist Sue Johnson, PhD, author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love if he messes up and fesses up take a deep breath and address it without getting angry and if you do fight tell him after that you nevertheless appreciate his honesty.

9. "I WISH YOU TOOK BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF."

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Yes he loves you the way you are but he also wants you to like how you look and feel but he may not know how to suggest you get a new haircut join a gym or take a day off from the kids instead he "doesn't say anything till it builds up to the point of coming off mean" says Dr. Brosh. Show him you value his opinion by asking him about your look or health habits. "Men need to hear that sharing their secret is welcomed."

10. "I DON'T WANT TO DO ALL THE DIRTY WORK."

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In a world of gender equality your husband might get mixed messages about what's expected of him. So he will kill every spider and do all the yard work if he assumes you feel he is not pulling his weight in the relationship divide and conquer lest he have ill will about dealing with the traditionally male chores solo pitch in raking leaves with him and deal with the occasional spider. "Tell him that you want him to share with you" says Dr. Johnson. "If he hates spiders that's OK but if killing the spider results in resenting you for not handling it that's really scary."

11. "WE'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY."

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Men equate financial stability with their provider skills: The more unstable things are the more he feels like he is failed as a provider. "If he's making less than he used to and the bills are not able to be paid he may hide it" says Orlando. "He might not want to look at himself much less look poorly in your eyes." While losing his job is too big of a secret to keep he might not divulge exactly how much is going out and coming in. "Stay involved in the finances so life's curveballs don't surprise you" Orlando advises. "And let him know regularly that you love him the not the cash that comes in."

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